Open letter to the dude who hit on me. 

April 2, 2016

So, on Good Friday I got hit on… I think. You see I’m not sure because the way it happened is all backwards and messed up. I think the guy needs a memo on how it’s supposed to be and here it is.

Dear dude:

I call you “dude” because “gentleman” is too much for you. I appreciated your saying “hello” to me while I was getting coffee before I returned to work from my lunch break. That was nice. I didn’t appreciate the way you looked me up and down with lust in your eyes though. I am not much for small talk, so I appreciated the way you jumped to the point after you followed me to my office and asked to speak with me. But did you even have a clue as to why I acted strange to the point that you asked me at least twice if I was okay? Let me spell it out for you, dude.

I was uncomfortable because you were the one checking me out, you were the one who followed me to my office unsolicited, and you were the one who asked me if I was seeing anyone. That, dude, is why I had the weirdest look on my face when you insisted on giving me your phone number so I could call you. Did I give you any indication at all that I was interested? It’s polite to say hi back. That’s all. Did you pick up on the way I just stared back at you when you tried to give me your number? Did you notice the way I didn’t reach for my phone or grab something to write with? Did you hear me when I said out loud to you that this is not how it’s supposed to happen? What was even more incredulous is how you reached for your phone, asked me for my number so you could text me so I’d have yours. Did you text? I hope the poor soul who ended up getting your text is okay.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m not going to call you. Not only am I not interested, but your assumption that I wanted your number completely turned me off. Was I supposed to be flattered or something? I wasn’t. But it’s not just you. I’m not going to call any guy first. Call me old fashioned, but that’s just not how I operate. You like me, you ask for my number. That’s the way it is. I’m looking for a gentleman. A man, yes, a man who will ask me out on a proper date, pay, and call the next day. I’m not interested in hanging out, Netflix and chill crap, or texting and trying to decipher your emojis. I want intentionality. I want to be pursued, not the other way around.

Men take risks. Grow up and grow a pair. Until then, my answer is no.

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